I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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