i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
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