In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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