exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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