im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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