we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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