Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
