I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
