At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Be there in 6 mins Iām smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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