I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize