I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
