Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
it's not cheating when I paid for it
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You can't just leave with hair like that
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
