Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Randomize
