Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
