Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Of course I have a pirate flag
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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