I think i peed on brittanys purse
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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