My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
