i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
