my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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