what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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