whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Is it penis luge time yet?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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