i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
