check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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