can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
