nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
