Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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