is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
