she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
