her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
