Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
