Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
