Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
