I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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