hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
