I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
