my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
