are you so shy because you have an std?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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