my phone needs a breathalizer
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
