Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Then you guys just all showered together...?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
