u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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