You work out of a Hotel?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
