Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
