gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
