My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
