I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
