Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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