Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
