none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Drake has all the answers
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
