hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
