worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
