I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
