Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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