.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
