i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You're like the curious george of whores
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
