Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
