I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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