direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
