Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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