it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
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