Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
